August 14, 2005

Post-Conference Letdown?

You'd think that I'd be buzzing with new ideas, filled with creative fodder, bursting with energy upon returning from a writing conference, ready to inflict my joy on the unsuspecting people around me. Instead, this week I've been attempting to hide from the outside world, as evidenced by my failure to post a conference report thus far.

I actually had a very nice time at the conference, but in some ways, felt a little let down at the same time that I felt encouraged. After all, there were 700+ other people who were either already writing for children/young adults, or trying to. Instead of feeling buoyed by the thought that many of them know exactly what I'm going through, I felt this strange cutthroat demon of professional jealousy peek its horned little head from somewhere in my brain. I got this competitive impulse that I have very rarely felt in my life—usually I'm in a strict competition with myself, and if I fail, I have only myself to blame. But when I saw those editors and agents up there on stage, inviting would-be authors to send in manuscripts, all I could think was, Great, now I have to compete with all these people, too. And even though I felt like I'm much further along than a lot of other writers, having a completed manuscript ready to go, I still felt this sense of futility, knowing that might not be enough.

I guess I'm just having one of my less confident days, but sometimes the enormity of what I'm trying to do really gets to me. At least, it seems enormous. Speaking of which, I will be breaking down the voluminous notes I took at the conference and relating the pre-digested highlights over the next week or two, along with some other news and links I've been saving up. More anon--

1 comment:

TadMack said...

Well, apparently your competition with those Others is doing you some good - way to go with the NotRejection!